so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
