Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
