I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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