i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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