I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
