I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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