Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
