Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
