She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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