wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
