No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize