i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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