so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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