with your own penis?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
