I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
