Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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