Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
