Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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