WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
