Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
