Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Your tits are I can't wait for
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
