No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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