you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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