DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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