what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
