I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
