i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
