Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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