Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
