hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
