why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
