and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
