I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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