I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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