Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize