He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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