Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize