Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
