Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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