2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
we're so committed to being not committed
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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