She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
