Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
