Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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