I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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