Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
