Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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