I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he just fucked me for my cheese..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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