the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
