At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
