i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
