He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
