i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
