I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
