It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
