just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
