yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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