Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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