we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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