Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize