well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
