My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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