he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
