he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
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Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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