She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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