i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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