he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
