Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
