Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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