Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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