A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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