A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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