your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
