my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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