I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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