apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
