My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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