I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
