I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
