Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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