his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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