I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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