dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
