dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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