he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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