I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
