Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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