Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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